It's official - I'm depraved.

When I bartend, I tend to watch a lot of game, one of which being "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" One of the questions posed yesterday was, "Which of these businesses is usually ran by children?" and I answered (audibly), "Chimney sweeps!" And then the possible choices were revealed, of course, not including chimney sweeps, but instead, lemonade stands. I conclude, not only that I'm utterly depraved, but that I've read entirely too much William Blake and Victorian novels. 

STFU, Matthew McConaughey

Those of you who "MySpace" like I do are probably well-acquainted with the promotions on the log-in page for features on MySpace - namely celebrities, movies, music, etc. When I logged in tonight, I was greeted by one of my least favorite celebrities - Matthew McConaughey - and his pithy philosophy of j.k.livin' (which stands for 'just keep livin'). So now he's not just promoting his shirtlessness or his shitty movies, but his own philosophy. Sure, he's a college grad, so he's educated and whatnot, but remember that this j.k.livin' doctrine stems from his lines as the character of Wooderson in Dazed and Confused. Surely, I love D&C, but really? A philosophy based upon the fictional creepy statutory rapist you played over ten years ago? And then, it's like I just want to punch him for giving me this unsolicited stoner surfer philosophy, not to mention that millions of others that use MySpace daily who do not have the ways and means to access that stress-free surfer lifestyle. Sure, we'd all like to j.k.livin', live in a trailer (by choice), do peyote, and surf the world, but some of us have jobs to do and situations we cannot escape. I can't make a strong argument for my own strife, and I won't pretend that my life isn't cake compared to most others, but I do admit it is somewhat maddening to have Matthew McConaughey preaching at me to 'just relax.' Put a shirt on, Matthew McConaughey, stop telling me to relax, and stop selling these:

where's Phyllis Schlafly when you need her?

This year, my office assignment was changed to the fourth floor of Faner Hall, amongst the Administration of Justice Department, some linguistics GA offices, and Dr. Zimra's lair. Nearby, is a 'unisex' bathroom, which confounded me and somewhat alienated me for quite some time. Wow, Faner and SIU is quite innovative, I thought, and truly embodying Phyllis Schlafly's worst nightmare. So, finally, I decided to use the unisex bathroom one day, to learn that it is not truly a unisex bathroom (Phyllis Schlafly, you can officially unbunch your knickers) and that it is instead, a bathroom with flexible guidelines. Before you enter, you must hang your respective gender's sign on the door, indicating whether a woman or a man is using the washroom (and doncha love it: the women's sign is pink, and the men's is yellow). Another sign claims that being conscious of the sign is the only way that the unisex bathroom will 'truly work.' So, you really are not entering a true unisex bathroom. But I would go on to argue that it is not really a unisex bathroom, but rather a men's bathroom that allows women, sometimes. You see, there are no receptables for used 'feminine hygiene' products (my favorite euphemism). Instead, us menstruating women must take the used products and/or wrappers outside of the stall and throw them into a garbage can, outside of the privacy provided by the stall. In every standard women's bathroom, there are containers provided for this type of thing within the stall. So, this really isn't a unisex bathroom - I mean, in a women's bathroom, I'm provided with the opportunity to not announce to everyone that I am in fact menstruating. I'm given a little privacy. I just want the same from the said 'unisex' bathroom. Is that so much to ask? Really.

a slight vituperation for fickle/fairweather Cubs fans...

I realize that Saturday was devastating, yes. And that the Cubs can lead to feelings of anger, disappointment, rage, melancholy, and psychological distress. I can certainly commiserate with all of you. But that is really no excuse to not only swear off baseball itself, but switch to the other side: the Chicago White Sox. Sure, their Saturday win offered a slight glimmer of hope, and maybe that was what you all needed to cling on to life and not throw it all away. But switching to the other side is NOT what you do. Claiming you're just a general 'Chicago' fan is NOT what you do. Let me illustrate this for you: let's say, you have a child who runs track. He/she is rounding the track, making promising headway, and BAM! falls over and breaks his/her leg. Do you start to cheer for the kid who lives in your neighborhood, merely because he/she is still in the race and you want to 'see someone from your area' win? No. You help your kid and cheer loudly AGAINST the neighbor kid, hoping that he/she breaks their leg as well (and hopefully, breaks both at the same time). I don't want to hear any more bullshit about people wanting to return their Cubs jerseys, or cheering for the White Sox next year because they got one more measly game than the Cubs. Because, after all, there's only one thing worse than a Sox fan: a fickle or fairweather Cubs fan who switches to the other side.